Monthly Archives: April 2010

A Nightmare on Elm Street

     The much-anticipated reboot of the 80’s cult classic has finally debuted it’s CGI-induced terror!  But is it worth the shot?  Well, that depends upon your faith in the franchise…amongst other things.  Come, let us explore this twisted realm of wonder…..
     Alrighty, well, I must admit that as far as homages go, this one tops the bill.  This movie took every iconic scene from the 1984 classic and revamped them to fit this more modern take; there was the face in the wall (which was waaaaaaaay too CG to be remotely intimidating), the exorcism-like death, friend in the body-bag, the bathtub, and even the spout of blood – all which compensated for that wall embarrassment.  And I also felt the nightmare sequences were very well done – once they rolled along I just couldn’t wait for more.  I really did enjoy the story – it was great to see Freddy’s tale come full-circle.  Alas, then came the dialogue.  How ironic that though this film payed perfect visual tribute, Michael Bay also decided to pay tribute to the horrid one-liners and campy cliche dialogue – something I was really hoping would not rear its obnoxious head.  Auuugh. 
     Personally, I was very surprised that Jackie Earle Haley didn’t do more to avoid such awful dialogue – I mean, he wasn’t too bad until he made this both predictable and nauseatingly cheesy "wet dream" joke.  And then all went to hell, no pun intended.  I just couldn’t take him seriously after that – and he was doing such a good job, too.  Haley does creepy good, what can I say?  And needless to say, he wore the stripes well.  (It seems as if I’ve only seen him as either pedo or anti-pedo…huh.)  He looked disturbingly deformed, as if his seared flesh had almost completely come off.  This also had a down side: his face was so flattened that he almost looked like a feral cat.  His voice was also very Batman – unavoidable I suppose, but it seems just a step below Rorschach.  However, I did greatly appreciate his pervy chuckle.  Very nice. 
     The remaining cast left me baffled.  It would seem that this version decided to go towards the counter culture appeal, but everyone looked like a Twilight reject – especially Kyle Gallner, who I personally referred to throughout the film as "dowdy Edward."  It was just so distracting to have the men made up more than the girls.  On this note, I’d just like to briefly thank Michael Bay for not giving us the stereotypical superfluous sex scenes.  That was extraordinarily refreshing. 

Sorry Bay, but your use of good effects and poor script still leaves me sitting in this sad pool of mediocrity.

Final Grade: C 

"I am not Batman…I am not Batman…."